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NerdyLilBiatch.blogspot.com 
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The Nerd♥  Rebecca♥ 24.12.94 Shut your eyes, the truth will set sparks(: 
My silly lil biatch {♥}ZoeyWanqZuer{♥} CAUSE U LOVE ME Kapo's You are awesome for being here now, Your life is nor 60% more interesting(: Memories
November 2009
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sinq to the beat.
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Monday, March 31
Unstoppable foolishness Unstoppable foolish heart, stop your whining and your crying. Such love will not be happening. Pain is what I'm preventing. You stand and you fight, you rebel as you defy. You are full of nothing but lies. Our life you will destroy. A desire you harbor, yet such a high price it requires. Though I wish our time may stretch out longer, as we stay together , maybe even for forever, But we know it's impossible. Foolish little heart, calm your raging tantrum now. Some storms we should never venture. Please just surrender. We can't fix a broken heart. Wednesday, March 26
Happiness I can't bear. How can I abandon, how could I leave , how do I forget such a beautiful dream. To have you close to me is all I imagine, To witness your beauty is all of my wish. Your magical touch, simply too sweet. Your words , they do not know, what a strong hold they have on my soul. One word and I'll change, one desire and I would fulfill. Even if it may kill me, your bitterness destroys me first. Your tears, they break me. Your pain, they burden me. Any amount of sadness in your eyes , it all rips me apart. Tuesday, March 25
The only one way. Born less expressive, without much of such instinct to care, all that's left in there, a cold frozen old heart too dusty to beat, too empty to bear, too difficult to keep. With little other options, the burden must be carried. As the saying goes , ones actions and words overflows from the heart, a cold empty human roams groomed and adapted from it's dusty old root of a heart. Yet it still beats , there is still a way. It beats for one person only , it beats when it senses such a treasured presence near. A storm rages inside as the dusty old empty heart seems filled and alive. Big breaths taken as the heart seems to awaken. Colors of life fills in along with joy ,as laughter is projected and a smile is presented. Love has been founded and life becomes appreciated. The stories seems true and hope is remembered. Everything seems perfect , all doubts forgotten. So alive , so full. The heart beats as if it's on fire. Yet how can a feeling So beautiful and true ,be such folly as it seems to only be based on lies. There's Only one way this heart would beat. And that one way is you. Saturday, March 22
A little more alive Questions I ask. Answers I want. Pain I recover. To forget is what I desire. Every night I lay down, struggling to shut down. My thoughts I would lay out, while fears find their way in. I wonder Where is the way out? My heart beats fast my body warms up. My blood races in me ,while a billion butterflies, dances in my tummy. Then my mind sets in and sin is seen. My heart agrees to what my mind rejects. War continues raging inside me painfully. When would this love end. When would I be set free. What could one do if the heart disobeys continuously? How could I submit to what is forbidden. Then Tear my heart out before reading out the commands. Saturday, March 15
Tears like jewels I'm so far from home, do you still hear my call? A missing child strays far, a wandering soul lays lost. A worried parent looks restless, a broken heart always seems tired. Thursday, March 6
The Lonely drunkard She laughs she smiles, her dimples helps deceive. Finding a way, as funny as she gets, she wins them over one slowly by chance. She stands strong when times are hard. She gives tons as she feels can. She wears her confidence as she struts around. Everyone's there , everyone's close. Friends line up as she loves them so. All the pain she sees in them, for help and to heal them she prays for all day. In her power she serves and she loves. She runs around catching every tear. Every fall she tries to cushion. Whatever sacrifice she had to make, it would happen and never to be questioned. Her arms always held up to welcome any hurting soul. A welcoming place she tries to provide. A warmth provided for lost souls. She gives them a break to try and fight on their place. Fight for their happiness fight for what they were promised. Yet when her tears roll, they drip into the floor. Whenever she falls, she hits the cold floor. Whatever she needs it never seems important, it seemed to always be questioned. What arms could she run to, which embrace welcoming her pain. She sits alone drunk. Even then she knows no one she could call. The promise of a lifetime , a promise to love and support , the dreams of joint weddings, jokes of who'd we'd marry. All thrown away and abandoned. The truth was they never cared. Such a fool she is Sitting there waiting. They preached about faith they taught about love. Yet non of that was what they gave her while she foolishly gave. All she relieved is hurts and much pain. Life would've have been better if they never came Humans or demons Unwavering care ,unchanging concerns, unrequited love. A never ending affair, shared between a king and mankind. Relations between human and ant so impossible , simply unthinkable. Just as a king would be with a slave girl. Yet a king fell in love with his slave. Born a king he lived with everything. Nothing he needed cause all was given. Yet all he wanted was the love and acknowledgement of the poorest of the poor. A slave girl so ordinary maybe even ugly, yet she's his only mission. Forbidden love , so impossible, simply unthinkable , but how could the king hold back such great love. A love that grows day by day it overflows as it fills up his heart. A king so mighty and great, with a simple snap he could marry her over. Yet that's not what he wanted , he wanted something more precious, he wants her heart and her desires. He wanted her to love him too. So a plan he sets up, a plan to steal her heart. Ready to do anything , even at a price of everything. He gave her everything , he waited everyday, he sits in his room oh so patiently. As time progresses he sees her in danger , his enemy pursues her. His enemies too wanted her . But they did not love her , they did not care for her, all they wanted was to spite him. They wooed her slowly, with words so sweet, they gave her security that seemed so stable. They painted her pictures of their might be future, they gave her ideas of love and happiness. The king saw all that happened, yet he did not wish to imprison her, even as she ignored him. he respected her freedom to choose what she wanted. He knew times are drastic he worries for her future, what would happen when they won her over ? Would they love and protect her? Or would they play and torture her? He needed a plan, to show her his love , with hopes she might choose him ,so he may protect her with his sincere love. Without hesitating without over thinking , he gave up everything . He threw away his crown , he released his status. All his riches he left behind. He gave it all up to be a slave, so he may stand beside his slave girl and accompany her always. He worked and toiled and did all slaves had to do. Yet he never complained or regretted at all. He was glad he was happy to be by her side was all that matters. With such sacrifice he knew came a price , enemies could attack him when he is all so vulnerable . His brother took over the throne and protected him thoroughly. But his enemies mocked him they spat at his "folly". "All for a slave girl" they mocked but he would just smile , the didn't understand how much he loved her. Eventually, he knew ,his enemies would come up to somehow take her away just to break his vulnerable heart. Somehow they would try to still steal her away, lure her towards them with their lies and deceit. But he smiled and planned he knew what he had to do, so that one day he might save her from them. The day finally arrived, they accused and slandered . They demanded for hostages at threats of a war. They demanded for the slave girl that she follows them, in the name of peace between the two kingdoms they claimed. The kings brother was in stress what would he do? But the king stepped up and offered himself for her. In her place he would go , with his enemies he'd follow. Willingly he took her place , willingly he followed. He knew of their hatred , the hatred they bored towards him yet he still chose to go so she may stay protected in his kingdom. He left with his enemies. One last time he looks over, he looks at his slave girl , he smiles and leaves maybe for forever. Abused , beaten and mistreated . He stayed with his enemies yet he was happy and delighted , cause he knows she's safe with his brothers and sisters , she is safe in his kingdom. One day he'd return and be reunited :) that day will come where he'd marry her. That day would come where she'd want him too. All he hopes for now is that she stays happy . Maybe she'd even love him soon. But it doesn't matter as long as she's happy, the king would do anything and everything to keep her safe to keep her happy to see a smile on her face. As long as she stays in his kingdom , as long as she allows his protection, his enemies can't get her , their lies won't reach her . She won't have to suffer . They can't hurt her. Lies are easy to believe , the enemies are always too cunning to be uncovered. But with such love from the king why would that slave girl need more? Tuesday, March 4
The regret of loving myself more. Time passes as we learn to understand why. All our wrongs and mistakes we would memorize. Time moves forward yet memories stands still. Pictures frozen always flashing through our minds. We live in the present yet our heart travels, it pulls us to the times we had shared with a lover. Every detail all so clearly as we wander around the familiar settings aimlessly. The pictures they move slowly, showing us the journey so vividly. Witnessing the relationship so bitterly , you could only wish for the lords mercy. A billion things we would have done differently. Too many things we did hastily. All the decisions we've made foolishly. Now we look back regrettably. I've made many mistakes , I've hurt you plenty of times to even count. The regrets in my heart, they're too difficult to list. Our time together I will always miss. My hand in yours I will always relive. Your embrace and warmth I will always belong. Our love once so strong i will never forget. My decision to trust, I will never regret. Time we've spend together has not been wasted . As tears we've shed will never be regretted. What I know now I wish I knew then. How much pain I would've saved, how much hurt I would not have caused. Till today my heart stays dead to know you're not saved , to know you're fighting somewhere out there. I wish I could rescue you as you've rescued me. I wish you could fall back and know I'll be there as I knew you would for me. I wish I could do all you've done for me. I wish I could bring you such happiness you've brought me. I wish I could show u what love you've shown me. Such blessing I was given to be given you. What a present it was to have received your love. Such a curse you have had to be given me. What a lost it was to have given me your love. That day we met, I was blessed while you got cursed. At the end of the day I only have one wish. I wish I loved you more then I loved me. | ||
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You left me broken inside out,You tore apart My soul..My heart
Now even a thousand tears would not brinq you back to me. |
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